#9: Pain by Jimmy Eat World

It’s funny. I heard this song when it came out and I thought “huh, this is pretty good”. Bleed American was such a great album, though I didn’t appreciate it until well into my mid-twenties, but when Futures came out I didn’t really give a shit. I’ve still only heard “Pain” off that record, but I’ll eventually change that. And until recently, I had no idea that Jimmy Eat World was technically part of the emo movement in the mid-to-late ’90s alongside Sunny Day Real Estate, Orchid, and pg. 99.

“Every time I quit/Anyone can see my every flaw/It isn’t hard/Anyone can say they’re above this all” is probably my favorite line off the track. For twenty some odd years, I was depressed and I didn’t even know it, I just thought my life sucked and that I had to just deal with it. Never saw anything through, for fear of failure. In fact, I still have fear of failure, but I know I’ve got to just finish things or stick with what I’m doing because I know I’ll feel better if I do. Yet I still have this voice in my head telling me that I’m going to fail, everyone will know that I’ve failed, and my life will continue to spiral downwards until I’m right back to being too upset to leave my fucking bed. It’s hard to spend every day silencing that voice with a few drinks or some weed, but thanks to my good friends Effexor and Ativan, that voice has at least been turned down to a very very dull roar these days.


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